An Unequal Union
Bessy Reyna

After Oct. 1, when the Connecticut law granting same-sex partners the right to a civil union went into effect, my partner Susan and I struggled with the question: Should we support this landmark law, or hold out (as some of our friends have) for some time in the future when it is hoped that the state will legalize same-sex marriage?

Not entering into a civil union would deprive us of legal benefits that are now available. It would also disregard the extraordinary efforts of hundreds of volunteers and legislators that culminated in this legislation granting same-sex partners many of the rights now available only to heterosexual couples.

The problem for gays and supporters of gay marriage, of course, is that the legislation on civil unions omits the word "marriage." That one word makes a world of difference, not so much in terms of legal rights but in society's acceptance of who we are.

This year, I sat fascinated for hours at the Judiciary Committee hearings on same-sex marriage legislation. Opponents gave testimony that was often hurtful and historically inaccurate, couching their arguments in biblical terms and religious doctrine. Supporters of the proposal - straight couples, children of gays, some religious leaders and ordinary gay citizens - spoke of civil rights and equality for all citizens.

My partner, Susan, submitted testimony in favor of same-sex marriage. She recounted the many gatherings to celebrate marriages in her family where she and her sister, who is also gay, sat on the sidelines waiting for the moment when they, too, could have their long-term relationships recognized by the state. When same-sex marriage was legalized in Massachusetts, the family was finally able to celebrate her sister's marriage - after 33 years.

In Connecticut, we were not so lucky.

After the civil union law passed, Susan and I attended the program "Civil Unions 101" presented by attorney Maureen Murphy and sponsored by the Love Makes a Family coalition. The gathering was an interesting one.

We were young and old, well-dressed or in shorts and flip-flops, and representative of many ethnicities and races. Many sat holding their partners' hands as they tried to decipher how their everyday lives would be altered by entering into a civil union. Despite the excitement in the room, it was clear that many of us were disappointed that marriage remains defined as an act that can take place only between a man and a woman.

The day the civil union law was passed, Anne Stanback, the very articulate president of Love Makes a Family, said in a statement: "Today we celebrate this step forward. Tomorrow we begin again to work toward the day when there are not two lines at town hall - one for them and one for us - but a single line for all loving and committed Connecticut couples who come to seek the recognition, protections and responsibilities of marriage. It's a broad vision, a big vision, but one that embraces the need for equality that every Connecticut citizen wants and deserves."

Susan and I have decided to embrace the legal recognition of our relationship and commit to a civil union.

However, we will continue to work toward making marriage a union between two consenting adults, regardless of gender. When civil marriage is taken out of the artificial religious niche in which it resides, then we too will feel that we have achieved full equality under the law.

If asking someone, "Will you civil union me?" doesn't sound exactly right, it is because it isn't.

(Bessy Reyna is a free-lance writer whose monthly column appears in The Hartford Courant. To reach her, call 860-241-3165 or e-mail her at bessy_reyna@hotmail.com)

© 2005, Hispanic Link News Service
12/04/05
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